Yes, this is an intervention.
You have a problem, and we need to address it.
Sebastian Stan is ruining your life. Stop with the dinosaur noises and the fangirling over his endearing comments that he instantly regrets, over all the stupid faces he makes, and over all your feelings for him because he is a major problem in your life. (I know you’re going NOOOOOO. HE’S NOT! right now) But remember your blog? The one you’ve neglected in favor of fangirling about everything Captain America (mainly about Seb) with Charlotte? Yeah, it’s done you no good. Absolutely none.
I don’t like the person you’ve become. (Maybe. Not really. Mehhhh.)
Do you know how many times you’ve “cried” and flailed your arms when you see him? I’m surprised your eyes aren’t red, your voice’s not hoarse, and your arms aren’t tired since you do it every single day.
Do you know how many times you’ve gotten territorial whenever they mention him? You bit off people’s head like it was your breakfast. I won’t be surprised if you piss all over him, marking your territory. (I’m pretty sure you already did?)
Do you know how many times you’ve watched Political Animals this month? Not two or three times. Probably more than ten. I’ve lost count. Sure, it’s a fabulous show and has only six episodes, but really Cee, over ten fucking times? How are you not tired of that show? Why do you torture yourself?
Stop getting emotional when he pulls that face. You know the one I’m talking about. Just no. You need help. Thank god that your obsession with him isn’t affecting your internship because we would’ve had this talk sooner than later.
I’m just concerned for your well-being. If not me, who would?
p.s. As if this letter will make a difference. It won’t.
p.p.s. To the people who’ve just read this, do you ever find yourself mentally berating yourself for obsessing over something that puts you in a blogging and/or reading slump?